To Jane and Kurt
by Indelible Evidence
Summary: Wedding speeches from the best friends a married couple could have: through all the fights, bloodshed, emotional turmoil and life-threatening situations, Patterson, Reade and Zapata have watched Kurt Weller fall in love with Jane Doe, and now they get to tell everyone at the wedding about it. Just some fluffy fun.
1. Patterson

**Author's Note** : So lurkingwhump begged for some Jeller fluff to offset all of the angst that's sure to be coming up with Remi... What could be fluffier than a drunken wedding day speech from Patterson? :D Yes, I plan to do Tasha's and Reade's too, if I can focus on one fic for more than five seconds. Those waiting for Torture Without You - I have half a chapter written, so I'm getting there! :)

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"Time for my speech, guys! Settle down!"

Patterson's clanging of a spoon on a glass seemed dangerously enthusiastic. Jane moved in closer to Kurt, murmuring, "I think she's gonna break that glass. How much has she had to drink?"

Her husband of just a few hours grinned, shaking his head. "I don't think she's done by a long shot. I say we let her get on with it."

"I do love a drunk Patterson," Jane admitted, and leaned back against him to listen to the speech.

"Okay, Tasha's made me promise not to mention Dungeons and Dragons, so I'll leave that for the video camera. So, Jane Doe and Kurt Weller."

Everyone had settled down to listen now, glasses of champagne in hand. Tasha leaned over to mutter something in Reade's ear, and Reade snickered in reply. Jane gave Patterson a warm smile as her friend looked over at her.

"I don't think anyone here is surprised this wedding is happening. Like, seriously. Not long after they met, Jane and Kurt had to go undercover as a married couple—a married couple of _assassins_ , naturally, because this is Jane and Kurt—and it was a formal event, so he was waiting around, talking to Allie—hi, Allie!"

Allie waved from across the room, her smile fading only a little as baby Bethany, six months old yesterday, began to whimper on her lap. Jane tried not to roll her eyes as Kurt tensed a little, ready to rush to his daughter's side if needed. He was the most overprotective father ever, and his daughter couldn't even crawl yet.

As Bethany—and Kurt—calmed down, Patterson continued, "This was even before Bethany was conceived, that's how ridiculously complicated Jane and Kurt's relationship has been…"

Tasha cleared her throat loudly as Jane tried not to cover her face with her hands. "Oh my god, this is a trainwreck," she whispered to Kurt.

"I know you don't remember going to any weddings, but this is pretty much what happens at all of them," he replied, amused. "Just go with it. Everyone's going to end up too drunk to remember the speeches, anyway."

"But yeah," Patterson continued, "Jane walks into SIOC in this amazing, full-length black dress, all her tattoos covered by the dress except the ones on her hands and her neck, which we did with make-up… And Kurt just looks over Allie's shoulder and sees Jane, and I swear… You know when someone in a cartoon sees someone they find attractive, and their eyes turn into hearts and their heart actually starts beating out of their chest?" She fluttered her hand over her heart to emphasise her point. "It was exactly like that."

Everyone laughed, turning to look at the newlyweds. Kurt kissed the tattoo on Jane's neck, completely unashamed. Jane shot Allie another look to make sure this wasn't completely humiliating for her, but Allie was laughing and nodding. "It so was," she mouthed across the room.

"But I had a point." Patterson paused a moment, then said, "Oh! Yes. They've had their ups and downs since they first met. They both have nightmare families that got in the way, and that's all I'm gonna say about that. Except you, Sarah. You're great."

From further down the table, Sarah Weller smiled and lifted her glass in thanks.

"But Jane and Kurt were, like, fated to be together. Nothing could stand in their way for long. They'd argue and angst, and the rest of us would just place bets on how long until they decided they loved each other more than they didn't like what had happened. It definitely made the working day more entertaining."

Jane wanted the floor to open and swallow her up. Everyone in her line of sight was nodding and grinning. How much of a soap opera had their relationship been to their friends and colleagues?

"So when they decided to make it official, no one was surprised. And as we all know, this wedding was pretty short notice, which Jane assures me is _not_ because she's having a baby, but because they've wasted so much time already. But no one is happier for them than me—and you guys, I'm gonna miss you so much when you move to Colorado. I love you both so much."

Despite being a little uncomfortable, Jane couldn't help but well up with tears at the heartfelt declaration. "I love you too," she called.

"Everyone, please raise your glasses to the happy couple! To Jane and Kurt!"

"Jane and Kurt!" everyone echoed, and the clink of glasses resounded around the room.

Jane turned to her husband, picking up her glass. "To you," she said, smiling.

"To us," he said, knocking his glass gently against hers. His smile warmed her heart, so unguarded and joyful. They'd been through so much. They deserved this day.

"And to being drunk enough to forget that speech," Jane added, and took a larger-than-polite gulp of champagne.


	2. Reade

**Author's Note:** Yes, it's the second chapter no one was particularly clamouring for, but there's only one short chapter left after this, and then I get to say I have eight fics in progress instead of nine! So I figured I'd go for an easy one to write, just to get it done. I'm still mainly focusing on _Torture Without You_ right now - it's just a bit intense and I needed a break. So here's Reade's best man speech!

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It wasn't long until a spoon ringing against a glass gradually silenced the wedding guests again, and Reade stood up.

"Time for the best man's speech," Jane said, resting her head on Kurt's shoulder.

"After Patterson's, this one will be easy to get through," Kurt reassured her, pressing a kiss against her hair.

"All right, let me start with a controversial statement. When I first met Jane Doe…I didn't like her."

 _Okay, maybe I was wrong about it being easier._

Kurt shot a quick glance at his wife, but she was laughing along with everyone else—it was nothing she didn't already know, after all. He relaxed and listened to Reade.

"No, it's true. I didn't like Jane, because she distracted Kurt from his work. And at the time, I thought that was a bad thing. But as everyone who remembers Kurt from before knows… Kurt didn't actually do anything _but_ work before Jane came along."

"Hey! Could you make me sound any more boring?" Kurt good-naturedly called over to him.

Reade inclined his head, as though conceding the point. "At the groom's request, I'll add that he did have a steady string of girlfriends. Most of whom he met at work. And now he's married one of them."

Jane snickered, and Kurt bit his tongue against a protest that she hadn't been just a 'work girlfriend'. It wouldn't help the situation, since Reade was obviously taking the best man's responsibility to mock the groom very seriously.

"So anyway, within a few weeks, we actually get to go over to his place for drinks as a team. And man, this is unheard of. We'd all been working with him for years, never once got an invite to his place, and all of a sudden he wants to have us over for drinks. Let's not mention that the team now included Jane."

More laughter, as Kurt rolled his eyes.

"He started to smile more, laugh and joke with us more… We started to think, 'Hey, maybe there's an actual human being under all that investigative insight and field tactics.' And that was when I started to realise that being less obsessive about the job didn't make him less effective in the field. We went about things in a different configuration as a team of four. Tasha and I could back each other up instead of being dual support for Kurt, and he got to watch Jane fling herself into danger countless times, so…it worked out."

As she listened to Reade, Jane traced her fingertips over the wedding band newly placed on Kurt's ring finger, smiling. Kurt glanced down at their joined hands. God, he loved this woman—even though her recklessness and willingness to put her life in danger sometimes scared the hell out of him.

"Some time to chill out made us closer as a team, so that when things really started getting dangerous around us, we had each other's backs," Reade said. "Jane included."

"This is a very rose-tinted version of what actually happened," Jane murmured, for Kurt's ears only.

Kurt was glad about that. His sister and nephew, amongst more than a few others, didn't need to know about the black site, or the way the team dynamic had become ugly for a while after Mayfair's death.

"So, Jane, I just want to say that I'm sorry," Reade said. "I was wrong about you. You make Kurt a happier, more well-rounded person. He even buys us beers every now and then, and long may _that_ continue."

Even more laughter.

"Plus, Jane can kick his ass during sparring practice any day of the week, so I think he chose the right woman to marry. I couldn't be happier for you guys—really. Just…promise you'll stop flirting over open comms now you've finally tied the knot, okay? It was getting a little awkward, and whoever you end up working with in Colorado doesn't know you like we do."

Jane and Kurt exchanged amused glances. "No promises there," Jane whispered.

"All right, I've just about run out of witty banter, so I'm just gonna raise my glass and say one more thing: to Jane and Kurt!"

"Jane and Kurt!" everyone around them chorused, champagne glasses lifting all over the room.

"I'll drink to that," Kurt said, as he and Jane clinked glasses again.

"One more speech to go," Jane said, once she'd sipped her champagne. Her eyes were on Tasha, who was leaning over to talk to Reade. "What do you think my maid of honour has planned?"

"It can't be worse than the other two, right?"

Jane grinned. "At least we get to have dessert before she starts. Ready for the chocolate pudding?"

"Not as ready as I am for our wedding night, but it's a close second." He settled for a much shorter kiss than he would have given her if they'd been alone, reminding himself that they'd have no interruptions for two whole weeks once their honeymoon began.


	3. Zapata

**Author's Note:** I'd been putting off finishing this one for a while, despite how short it is, but during an internet outage today I thought I'd reduce my WIP count by one, just for motivational purposes. So I now have eight works in progress, rather than nine! (And no, I'm not going to start another multi-chaptered fic - I've learned my lesson about too many fics on the go at once!)

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Everyone within sight was stuffed full of chocolate pudding, leaning back in their chairs and groaning appreciatively at the completion of a good meal. Except Kurt, who was finishing off Sarah's leftovers. Jane watched him with a warm glow in her heart.

 _My husband, always ready to eat chocolate—even after he already finished some._

It still seemed strange, yet somehow undeniably right, for Jane to think of Kurt as her husband. She guessed she'd have an entire lifetime to get used to it.

As he set down his spoon, he grinned over at her, making her heart skip. "What?"

Jane leaned in to kiss a speck of chocolate away from the corner of his mouth, turning his head so she could flick her tongue out discreetly against his skin. Kurt gave a low, frustrated growl only she could hear, making her wish all their friends and family would suddenly vanish, so they could have time alone.

"You're a very bad wife," he murmured in her ear, his tone of voice making it clear that 'very bad' meant 'sexy as hell'.

Jane gave him a brief but longing kiss, then a second, unable to help herself. She looked down at her empty pudding dish to compose herself, leaning away from him when he nuzzled her neck. "Do you really want to try to make out with me in front of your sister?"

"Most of the time I'd say no. But with you in that dress…" Kurt cocked his head, making a show of being ambivalent about the question, then grinned.

Laughing, Jane pressed her hand against his chest, shoving gently. "Behave yourself."

"You started it." He rested his hand over hers and gave her a smile that melted her into mush. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Before they could end up kissing again, the now-familiar sound of a spoon against a glass caught the attention of everyone present.

"Okay, everyone, I know you're probably sick of speeches by now, so I'll try not to bore you too much." Tasha gave everyone a moment to settle down, taking a quick sip of water, then continued, "When I think of Kurt and Jane's relationship, there's something Patterson and Reade haven't mentioned yet, that I think is appropriate to mention on their wedding day. Chances are, they might not agree…"

"Uh-oh," Kurt said under his breath, his eyes amused.

"On a case not long after Jane came to our team, we came across a dark web hacker named Rich Dotcom." Tasha gave them both a wicked grin.

Jane and Kurt groaned in unison, to the amusement of the guests around them.

"Seriously. He legally changed his name to Rich Dotcom after making his fortune on the coin wave, so you can imagine what kind of person he is. And this was the case Patterson mentioned earlier—the one where Jane and Kurt went undercover as a married couple. Anyway, they were supposed to buy classified information from this hacker who'd stolen it, and this guy meets them and straight-up decides his life goal is to be in a thr—" Tasha glanced at Sawyer, and a couple of other kids present, and cleared her throat. "Three-way _relationship_ with Jane and Kurt—even after they arrested him and he went off to jail, and they revealed they weren't even seeing each other, let alone married."

She grinned over at the newlyweds. "Okay, so this guy isn't someone you'd invite to your wedding, even if he was out of prison to come along. But he knew from minute one that these two would end up together. I mean, I guess we all did. But he was much more vocal about it."

"Were we really _that_ obvious?" Kurt asked her softly.

"If we were, then wouldn't we have gotten together sooner?" Jane shrugged and turned her attention back to Tasha.

"We crossed paths with him four times, and every time, he was obsessive about trying to hook them up. Who else can say they have their own criminal matchmaker?"

"I would _gladly_ give up that privilege," Jane added, her voice quiet but emphatic.

Kurt laughed and wrapped an arm around her. "Well, at least he's nowhere near Colorado."

"But there was one point he brought up once. I wasn't here for this one, but I heard about it later. Rich said that whenever something goes wrong, or right, Kurt always looks at Jane first. And once I heard that pointed out, I noticed that it's true in reverse, too." Tasha cleared her throat, looking a little tearful. "The love these two have is unlike anything I've seen before, and I hope that one day, I can be even half as lucky as you guys."

Patterson put a hand on Tasha's shoulder, and she laughed, blotting her eyes. "I guess in conclusion, all I have to say is that if even _I_ can see these two have something special, it must be fantastic. And god knows it took them long enough to get here, so I'm gonna wind up this speech so we can finish the drinking and get to the dancing. To Jane and Kurt!"

As she raised her glass, and everyone else around the room followed suit, Jane smiled over at her husband. "Funny she should mention Rich Dotcom. It was the day we first met him that we first danced."

"I remember." Kurt sipped his champagne, eyes appreciatively lingering on her. "Think we can dance more than half a song together today?"

"I'm pretty sure we're required to." Jane set down her glass and rolled her eyes. "I mean, unless a gang of armed gunmen show up to the reception."

"Don't even _say_ that." Kurt grimaced at the thought. "With our luck, it will probably happen."

"No, it won't. Because today is our perfect day, and it's going to lead to a perfect night, and then a perfect life." Jane leaned against him, taking his hand reassuringly.

"Hmm… Tell me more about this perfect night?" he asked softly, kissing the top of her head.

"Nice try, but this is probably the last time we get to hang out with everyone before we move to Denver. As much as I want to get to the wedding night part, I don't want to end up sneaking out halfway through the evening to start it early. I want as much time with our friends as we can get."

"Me, too." His arms tightened around her. "I have the best wife, _and_ the best friends. Even if they don't give the best speeches."

"Even after everything that's happened, I think we ended up pretty lucky in the end." Jane sighed, contented. "It was worth all the mayhem and heartache to finally get here."

His stubble tickled her scalp as he rested his chin against her. "Yeah. _You're_ worth it."

 _END._

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 **Final note:** Thank you for reading along with me for this silly, fluffy fic with no plot whatsoever! Thoughts and headcanons are welcome, so please do share your thoughts. :)


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